The first... Of many.

It's a late night. I'm aware of this, but I can't sleep. I'm away from the people that matter the most to me for the night to care for another person. That person is my Grandmother, and she means mo to me than even words can express. She is dying. Her battle with cancer began three years ago, and I will never forget that phone call.
"I have cancer, Heather. Don't you worry about me though, the doctors will make it go away."
I felt the blood rush to my fingers. And my vision seemed to blur and rush like the scene from Jaws when the first attack happens. I had to sit down. That feeling happened again 3 weeks ago when I recieved the call nobody ever wants to get.
"Granny is in the hospital," my little sister said "you need to get here now."
When I arrived at PCH I rushed into her room only to stop as soon as I could see her. It was the face of death that I saw. Her jaw was laying slack and her breathing in ragged inhalations. I knew we wouldn't have long. I took her hand and in her confusion she looked up at me and told me it would be ok. I knew in my heart it wouldn't. I searched for words to say, but what do you say to the one person in your life that cared for you unconditionally, supported you when no one else would, and you knew for a fact this person loved you with their whole being? What words would come out to capture that?
"I love you." I said as I choked back tears to not frighten her.
It's never easy to look at someone you love and tell them everything is fine when you know years, much less months, are left to hold their hands. It keeps me up at night. I check my phone constantly to see if I've gotten that dreaded call that she's gone yet. I love her. Always will.



In other news, this weekend I was privileged to meet my hero Bruce Campbell. Lemme tell you, he lives up to every bit of his hype. He was enigmatic, charming, and dare I say, dashing. He touched my boobs. (I'm so ok with that its scary.) I also got to meet Kane Hodder.. Now this guy is fucking incredible. He was down to earth and kind. He also choked the shit out of me. (I was also incredibly to ok with that.) The true highlight of my adventure, however, was meeting the guy who played the original Godzilla. If you really know me you know there are three things I really love : Food, Godzilla, and Wrestling. Nakajima was sweet, although I couldn't understand what he was saying. I really lost it afterwards though and cried from the gravity of finally meeting the person/monster that began my love affair with horror and monster movies. Life just doesn't get sweeter than that.

For now, I can't think of anything else I need off my chest, but I'm sure tomorrow ill have more to say, and this time it will be less of a downer. I promise. In case I don't, though, refer back to the Doctors first rule. I'll use that as my excuse. (The Doctor lies.)